Author: Mike Urgo
My stomach sank.
It was February 2020, and I was sitting at my desk, in the basement floor of my office, taking a break from packing and reading the news. More and more reports of this ‘virus’ spreading gave me an uneasy feeling deep in my gut. The team was anxious and excited as our entire IT team was moving to a brand-new building. As the day progressed, we held a leadership meeting where we discussed the need to be able to virtually work efficiently, should there ever be a circumstance where we weren’t in the office.
At the time, working remotely was only acceptable in the organization if you had extenuating circumstances like a doctor’s appointment or a contractor coming to your house. After the meeting, I returned to my desk to pack and instead of putting most of my things into a moving crate, I started putting them into boxes. I just had this feeling that something was going to happen, and I wanted to be prepared.
I love traveling alone. Traveling alone is the best, because selfishly you only have to worry about yourself. It may come as a surprise, but while I have not been officially diagnosed with OCD, I definitely have some traits that could support it. Traveling alone pulls it out of me in a next level type of way. I have a very particular routine at the airport, then I have a certain way I set up my hotel room, down to how my toiletries are organized on the sink.
Why?
Because, when traveling there is so much out of your control. I can’t control if a plane is delayed or cancelled, I can’t control the security lines, the walk to the gate, or who ends up sitting next to me. So, in my mind, the more “prepared” I am and the more organized I am, the more “control” I have on the situation.
The first time my wife and two daughters flew with me was on a trip to Disney as a family. Outside, I was calm, prepared and I had a plan. Inside I was having a meltdown. It started in the security line as my youngest was not thrilled with the metal detectors. Then came the matter of finding food, because I had gotten us there early (just in case). When we landed, the limo we ordered as a surprise was 45 minutes late. Then when we finally made it to the resort and got to our room, it was like an explosion of clothes and toys all over the room.
I couldn’t take it anymore.
I started laying down hotel ground rules and establishing a process for where clean and dirty clothes would go, and how we would organize toiletries for four people in one hotel room.
Then I stopped myself. My mind was going a mile a minute.
I thought back over the past two years and what I had learned. The first thing I learned was that there was a benefit to being prepared and organized. For instance, we had an outdoor pool to enjoy that didn’t cost an arm and a leg (I should have bought 10 of them hahaha). But more than that, I learned to quiet my head down and to be aware of times where I am overthinking situations that are outside of my control.
I try to steer away from religion and politics in my content, but in this case, what has helped me is my faith in a higher power. There are too many things that have happened in my life for me to believe our entire existence is a coincidence. I do believe that being prepared and organized helps, because it is something you can control and should control. An example of this would be after a month of working at home during COVID while the kids were also doing school at home, I realized we had a logistical problem.
I was on calls all day and the girls were on school calls most of the day. I had initially set up my office in a room on the main level with no doors and it became a constant battle of me needing to concentrate while on calls and the girls being in trouble for being “too loud”. I could not control the situation with COVID, but I could look at all the possibilities within my control to make a better situation for everyone. We moved my office into their playroom which had doors and then gave them full reign of the unfinished basement with their toys. I was able to create an office that was a happy place for myself where I could concentrate, and they were given a bigger space where they could be as goofy and loud as they wanted.
Back in our hotel room at Disney, I was remembering this amongst other situations we worked through as a family during COVID, and I started level-setting expectations with myself.
I am not traveling by myself.
My kids are 8 and 10 in Disney for the first time.
I don’t want to be the reason they have a bad time; I want to be the reason they have a great time.
I stopped everyone and we had a quick family meeting. First, I apologized for being a no fun dad for a second. Then I expressed the benefits of everyone trying to keep things as orderly as possible. Things like not losing souvenirs, being able to get ready each day quicker and not breaking things like Disney ears or other fragile assets. Most importantly: I would be able to focus on the Disney app and scheduling the lightning lanes (if you know, you know) if I wasn’t worried about the hotel looking like a bomb went off.
We came to a compromise, where the room was picked up, but not to the extreme extent I was used to when traveling alone. I would then focus on what I needed to control, which was managing the Disney app and our itinerary to maximize fun. I will say, if there’s something Disney got right is this app, because it gives you a sense of control in a world that is full of things you can’t control like crowds, wait times, weather, rides being closed, etc.
What does this mean for us as leaders in the workplace?
As leaders there are many situations in the workplace where things are outside of your control. Managing employees is the obvious one, but there’s also internal and external relationships that can be outside of your control, economic conditions, and executive decisions are also some examples of situations we deal with as leaders that we can’t always control.
So, how did I apply what I learned in my personal life to my work life?
Number one is self-awareness, just like I had talked about in last week’s episode. I want to make sure I am aware when I am stressing or wasting brain energy on situations that are outside of my control. Then I start to focus on what I can control that will add value to the team and the organization.
The first thing is the relationships we have. Relationships are so key to success both inside and outside of our professional lives. Building cross-functional relationships can give you more insight into the things that are outside of your control. It allows you to fully understand the situation, prepare for any downstream impacts and potentially have some influence on it. If I wasn’t close with my family, the situation at Disney could have gone differently. But through our relationships, I was able to express my intentions.
The result of great cross-functional relationships is trust. Trust for me is the number one weapon to have when battling the feelings of not having control. Whether it’s trust in a higher power for larger things in life, or trust in your team or a vendor, meaningful relationships breed trust. My wife and kids have trust in my organization and planning, so much so that even when I am being too much, they know I am just trying to make the experience as best as possible.
I believe people work best when they feel empowered and supported. As leaders, the more we relinquish control and trust our team and partners through meaningful relationships, the more we are going to see teams’ productivity improve. This can be easier said than done. Especially if you are a leader who is wired like me and does not want anything to slip or get missed. I try and remind myself how I learn. I don’t learn by having my supervisor do everything for me or having to tell me exactly what to do. I learn by trying and I learn even more when things don’t work out as I expected.
As leaders we must trust that our people will do their best and if a situation arises where a mistake was made or something didn’t work out, that they will learn from it. Which leads me to my last point, and that’s accountability. When we relinquish control and trust people, we also need to set up an expectation of accountability. Accountability should be of self and others. During COVID and on our Disney trip, I had to hold myself in check to make sure I was not trying to micromanage the situation too much and allow for naturally fun experiences. I also needed to hold my family accountable at times to hold up their end of the bargain and make sure they knew I would.
Managing a third-party vendor is the perfect example of relinquishing control through relationships, trust, and accountability. Whether it’s a Managed Service Provider (MSP), Implementation Partner (SI), or any other vendor engagement, it’s important to build a foundational relationship to foster trust. But it is also important to hold all parties accountable within the terms of the engagement. The root cause of all strained vendor relationships in my experience is when the engagement is rushed and there’s not enough time to establish a foundational relationship. When a relationship and trust is built and bumps in the road occur, holding people accountable and keeping them on track is significantly easier.
Relinquishing control is something that has never and will never be second nature to me. But I hope that as I have found ways to hold myself accountable in this area, this week’s newsletter will help you as well. It’s my belief that we are all in this together in a world where there are more and more unknowns. Take the time to get to know people and we will also continue to improve together!
If you are enjoying these newsletters, please make sure to like, comment and share as it will help more people see them.
Want to know more about how this type of thinking can have a positive impact on your organization?
Or perhaps you are an organization that is a good fit for my next full-time career move.
Schedule a call to see how I can help you.
https://calendly.com/mjurgo
The ability to take the time to understand your organization, your people, your processes, and translate to technological solutions is what makes Intellectual Nebula so effective!
Sign-up below to receive our monthly newsletter and exclusive updates on our company!
https://forms.office.com/r/Xyu9UqS7Ld
The ability to take the time to understand your organization, your people, your processes, and translate to technological solutions is what makes Intellectual Nebula so effective!
Sign-up below to receive our monthly newsletter and exclusive updates on our company!
